Daffodils and Atomic Habits ~ February-April 2020

The daffodils came and went in the blur of February and March. The were stunning though. They are God's surprise when you think you can't take one more bleak day of winter. Their fragrance is incomparable. Their color and diverse shapes so unique. 
In the month of February, I determined to use my kindle more. I've been working through some  habit building non-fiction and found it easier to complete if I used the electronic platform. While there I actually downloaded a copy of British Edition, Country Living, which included a full feature on daffodils. Packed full of loveliness, it is almost as good as having the hardcopy.  A last thought about daffodils: It is a unique effort to have a field of daffodils. They are planted, one by one and must if the best impact is to be achieved, be planted in large groups. Then there is the waiting- waiting for the spring to see them come up and bloom for a short time, before becoming a leggy undesirable spent bloom. But they are worth it. 

Emma Bridgewater Mugs ~My new favorite for Tea & Coffee

Setting Goals this year has been complimented by the observable accomplishments we see in our yard turned garden. Over the years, we have bit by bit carved out spaces with plantings, requiring patience to see the overall outcome. But we are beginning to see the fruits of our labor. Literally. A few years ago, Eric picked a peach from a tree in our neighbors yard, and planted the pit in soil. We didn't think much of it, but it is now in our yard, complimented by another we purchased from the nursery. It's really amazing and this year we may have fruit from that very tree. 

Atomic Habits is an idea as well as a book I borrowed from the library. I committed last year to borrow more books than buy them. This is one that while it is excellent, I needed to reserve the dollars for other things. 

Current situation: It will be May in a day and I'm sorting out where/how I'm going to spend my time, and what I hope to accomplish with these new 'habit' skills. March came in like a lion, only to be followed by a stampede of unfriendly elephants. The 'shelter-at-home' order has been one I never imagined to be such a challenge. Our household dynamics are our own, but I'm sure relatable to everyone. Everyone was and continues to be challenged by their unique circumstances. I allowed grace to be given and felt, to know there are some things I really can't change, but dealing with them and experiencing them must be given the time and attention required.  But  I MUST remember-- these are *just* circumstances. I can choose to take charge of my thoughts or let them rule me and my daily habits. Having completed the academic year (September through April) of 'Life Mentoring School,' with Edie Wadsworth at Life In Grace, I am well armed to move forward in a much more settled and confident way. I would say it has been life changing, like no other class or counseling I've received or participated in. So I wrap up this year, such that is has been. Whatever side-hustle or hobby is completed will be so, and that which has not will be shelved for the for-seeable future. It is time to chart the calendar and accomplish some of the things that were derailed by the virus this spring. Back to eating well, wearing clothes I can button, and exercising so that I can fit into something besides yoga pants! 

Forget-me-nots and Polka-dots ~ December 2019

Watching Miss Universe last night was noteworthy in many ways.  The pagentry of all of the costumes representing their countries and their unique cultures was amazing. Miss Ukraine (Eric's family heritage) was stunning, as was the winner, Miss South Africa. So beautiful, truly breathtaking were each of the women who had made it to the world stage to represent their country. What was even more amazing were the accomplishments of each of these women. Some were lawyers, some were spokespersons for profoundly important charitable organizations. In a moment though, they were quick to remind the watcher they were once thought to be unqualified by their ethnicity and dark skin. Dismissed. 

Miss South Africa mentioned specifically just this, while her grace and glamour inspired watching youth of color around the world. She inspired me, this white middled aged mom of Quaker, English decent. 
I knew my sister-in-law Catherene, would be watching. I found myself rooting for Miss Phillippines, knowing 'Cat' would be cheering too. On Thanksgiving, we all went to Jeff and Cat's house and savored her homemade Lo-mein and Spring Rolls, filled with pork and chicken. We had all the customary 'traditional' foods too, but the first to go is always the spring rolls. They were especially tasty as her mother, Conchita, visiting from the Phillipines, prepared them.  Every year brings change, including my nephew  Angelo, reminding me how important it is not to get stuck in the past, but to move forward, with bravery-- if required. We must accept change, and seek beauty where ever it shows up. We must train our eyes to see beauty and opportunity and life!  Our minds will look for safety and familiarity, *even if that familiarity is ladened with grief*, but think of what we'll miss, if we stick to our ruts and never venture out. If there is anything Cat has taught me, it is this-- to venture out. I can't imagine what we all would have missed if she hadn't. 

Jeff and Cat were married very soon after Dad passed from this life.  It would seem, that year, I was starting all over, hanging on more tightly to familiar things, thoughts, moments. Fearful.  Grief does that. I clung to broken ways, fearful methods. Time heals though. I now hear him  (Dad's voice in my mind) cheering every new goal met, every challenge embraced, and most importantly(haha), I hear him asking if there is any left-over Lo-mein. (The man loved tasty foods.) The laughter may rattle the sorrow out of its rut, but its so easy to teeter back into the cavern. 

In June of 2019, I listened to this TED Talk, as about 51 million others did.  

"We don't move on, we move forward."

For a special family occasion, I wrapped presents in polka dot paper, and Cat was so pleased, for in the Phillipines, polka-dots represent joy and happiness. I am reminded again how choosing to see joy in little places is really *our choice.* Attitude is everything, Being gracious to ourselves in our moments of challenge and weakness is vital, but being our own coach to train our thoughts to see beauty is essential. Holding our 'forget-me-nots' while moving forward is the key. 
*I add this today, in honor of Cat's father who just passed this week. There is a time to mourn. Mourning is a part of life. I pray that you feel God's comfort and heal with good memories. 

Thoughts {Feelings} Actions and a Double Feature ~ December 2019

While I'm munching tasty treats topped with Rasberry Pepper Jelly from Thomasville, GA, I'm hammering out the worlds problems with my bff on a Monday. My snack is leftover's from Thanksgiving, and my thoughts are straight out of 'Life in Grace' Life Mentoring School. 
Over and over, Edie kept saying, it comes down to your thoughts. You can't change someone, you can't make people behave differently (even your kids.) Circumstances don't always change or go away. Changing the circumstance doesn't always bring the desired result. Actually, almost always it doesn't bring the desired result. It just creates more chaos.  
I've gained so much from Edie's classes. For years, I've known the concept of 'Thoughts produce Actions,' but with this new approach inserting the feelings, and asking? 

What do I want to feel? And her answer kept coming back, 

'Then you have to change your thoughts.'

Eventually we run out of adrenaline to push through the difficult times. We can do hard things. But taking every thought captive is really a pretty healthy guideline for living. 

 I want to thrive~not just survive! 

Inspirational Double Feature last night after surviving/thriving through Thanksgiving week: 

Queen of Katwe 

Secretariat.

Music for the Soul ~November 2019

Amazon MP3

Not the traditional fare. 

Community, Working-Out ~ November 2019

     Of all the things I never imagined would come from working out came community. I look for the brave faces who dress for comfort over style and bravely bare their (our) less than perfect bodies.  A handful of friends I've known have been in my classes, surprising me with their strength and stealth at the same time. One friend, I knew worked out, literally dumbfounded me with her agility and core strength. Her plank was a thing of beauty. For all my attempts, I still looked like I was barely trying. But that's the thing about real community: folks will meet you where you are and know you are trying just by showing up. You've already made yourself vulnerable. When you face-plant like I did one day, you're cheered on by getting up and back to it. When you concentrate your effort on isolating the muscle for the intended stretch, you're on the platform at the Olympics. At the right gym, folks know you're not trying to make the swimsuit calendar-- they know already you are in training-- you know your 'why.'  Obstacles are everywhere and you've got to strengthen for the long-game. With every weight successfully lifted, with every fly masterfully engaged, the body preps for when the mind wants to falter. It really does work, if you work it. Nana 'V' always said, 'Use it or you lose it.' She walked our creek side road in Franklin, often leaving us in the dust with her speed. Right up to the end, she flexed her arthritis ridden fingers, in numeric rhythm. Use it, or lose it. Or as Red says, 'Get busy livin' or get busy dyin.'
     The hardest thing about changing old patterns is realigning deeply rutted traditions. Those that center around fellowship and family. Meals, dinner, Sunday lunch, evening gatherings. I found #Whole30 to be a hugely successful approach for me a year ago, but I'm to the stage now where I need to move forward with planning and recipes, meal prepping and focus. Interpret this to say, I'm slipping because my taste buds are bored and my time is limited even more. Stress levels are high and food and drink are my buffers. The holidays are here and I've fallen back into foods like a stunt man falling off a building. 
     So I've pulled out a couple of favorites, including Whole 30 Fast and Easy. To double down and not miss the moment of transition out of my 10 week Fit Body Challenge, I plan to start meal planning more effectively. I've only done what feels like 'level 1' of eating healthy. The staples and basic and sometimes obvious things. But my taste buds are burnt out.  21 days is what folks say it takes to start a habit. Sustainability requires a plan. 
     Community is essential.  Having a common goal or activitiy creates the opportunity to be with people. With the holidays here, a handful of invitations have come my way. They are a blessing, but the everyday community is what sustains us. Yesterday, I was reminded of a book I see everywhere but have never read. I have already been encouraged to improve my 'Turquoise Table,' prep the coffee and be in community. The Turquoise Table: Finding Community and Connection in Your Own Front Yard by Kristin Schell has offered up numerous simple ideas for engaging and noticing those around us and being present. 

     Another I found that appealed to the need for schedule was Return to Sunday Dinner: The Simple Delight of Family, Food, Friends, and Food by Russell Cronkhite. Predictability and consistency are calming in our chaotic world. This book has far more to offer than recipes. It's mere presence on my shelf  reminds me the importance of what I grew up knowing about Sunday dinner.  (But it doesn't have to be Sunday. Ann Moses made legendary pizza every Friday night for years. Years.) Many of the recipes are not quite #whole30 compliant, but that's not the focus. Finding the compromise and creating the beauty around what comes from making the effort is the goal. 

      Thanksgiving is tomorrow. So many things for which to give thanks. Here's to being a good steward of the abundance of God's good grace. God be honored in all things. HE is Worthy. 

The Obstacle is the Way -->Discipline of Action ~ November 2019

It is no secret I love new construction, so on the way back from dropping Eric at work, I took a few pictures of these particular houses.  But more importantly the obstacle the contractors faced.

I don't know the diameter of the stump remaining, but I can imagine this  tree was spectacular in its height and dimension. Ironically, I've traveled this road in downtown Athens many times. But I can't remember the tree, or even the timeworn house or houses that were likely torn down. But in their place are two very tidy attractive homes. I can hear the builders talking about this tree, the headache of it's removal will cause. The possible protests from naturalists that abound. But for better or for worse, he moved forward anyway, made the necessary calls, and planned the demolition and the tree's removal. 

From The Obstacle is the Way, by Ryan Holiday

 "But in our lives, when our worst instincts are in control, we dally. We don't act like Demosthenes, we act frail and are powerless to make ourselves better. We may be able to articulate a problem, even potential solutions, but then weeks, months, or sometimes years later, the problem is still there. Or it's gotten worse. As though we expect someone else to handle it, as though we honestly believe that there is a chance of obstacles unobstacle-ing themselves. 

We've all done it. Said: "I am so [overwhelmed, tired, stressed, busy, blocked, outmatched]."

And then what do we do about it? Go out and party. Or treat ourselves. Or sleep in. Or wait. 

It feels better to ignore or pretned. But you know deep down that that isn't going to truly make it any better. 

You've got to act. And you've got to start now." 

Standing at Poplar and Mulberry ~ Athens, GA

Painting with Miss Mustard Seed ~ November 2019

Recently, I won the prize for thrifting in a moment of chance. I snagged the tag for the best piece of furniture among the lot of discarded items and didn't look back. After having several folks ask me if I was really going to buy it, I knew I'd scored a keeper. 
This dresser has found its home in Henry's room. It's wood was quite beautiful, but raw, and needed a protective coating. 

I love Miss Mustard Seed's projects and decided to purchase some of her sealer. I've used it now on two projects and its beautiful. It's clear, non-yellowing and durable. I'll be on the look out for more furniture to experiment with her colors of chalk paint. My favorite is 'Boxwood.' If you're looking for a great  sealer to protect your hard work, I can recommend this for making the finish last. *You'll note, my bottle has been used for 2 coats, so you can see how much I used for the project. Also, the label covered some of the instructions, but I knew I could find instructions at Marian's blog if I needed them. 

*Amazon Affiliate Links

"How are all those resolutions you made going?" November 2019

Well into the fourth quarter of 2019, I've been asked about my book purchases, my diet and my exercise. While there were a few other commitments that I quietly added in January, those are the top three. I am reminded about my self challenge, 

"A Year from Now, You'll Wish You'd Started Today." 

So instead of counting regrets, this year I'm counting accomplishments. Instead of stepping into December with panic and dread, I'm getting creative with my shop and adding students to the schedule. 

Instead of eating the whole box of cookies and camping on the sofa indoors, I'm adjusting my thinking to an intentional way of living. 

Intentional living allows for the slip-up, but not living in denial. 

So, what worked? 

I began to move. Literally. I started walking regularly at least 2 miles at a time, and at all times of the day. Weather is only a circumstance, and if perceived negatively, I reminded myself that, 

'The Obstacle is the Way,' 

and,

 'What doesn't kill ya, makes you stronger.' 

I started listening to different voices. A mantra can create deep ruts in the mind, so I actively started to listen to life affirming 'voices.' Podcasts, friends, family who 'got' me and 'support' my effort to succeed and live life fully. While the negative voices don't always go away-including our own negative thoughts, and when we proactively choose to listen to fulfilling life affirming conversation, we are less likely to buy into destructive lies we might have once told ourselves. 

A year ago, I actively reunited myself to Edie Wadsworth at Life In Grace. I was watching her Facebook live videos in December. These became the fundamentals to her Life Mentoring School. I started taking these classes in September 2019, and couldn't be more thankful. 

My friend Sondra has successfully participated in Athens Fit Body Boot Camp for a year, and with her genuine giving spirit, she has helped and encouraged me through a 10 Week Challenge. 

Yup ~10 Weeks.

 I found muscles I forgot I had. The physicality of the class combined with the amazing guidance and encouragement to do HARD things set me up for another facet of change. I actually WANTED to go to the gym. My body feels better and my dependence on stress buffering agents has decreased. Clearer thinking and confidence were the bi-products I needed and achieved. 

I became accountable to myself. Instead of looking for loopholes, I began look the path of resistance square in the eye. This sounds counter intuitive, but it is usually where the problem is, and once the problem is conquered (or accepted by looking at it instead of avoiding it), the path is clear to do hard things. Once you do the hard things, life seems to open up to allow what is deeply fulfilling. 

Books. Well, I haven't stopped buying, but my number is well under that of years past and almost exclusively, I buy from the FOL (Friends of the Library) book room. This year, I didn't even go to the BIG sale. I know..... did you just feel a gust of spooky wind roll through?? Instead, I've been utilizing a library app on my phone to access books more effectively. I actually used this for teaching this fall, which was one of my 'loopholes' (excuses for retail therapy) I've abused this greatly in the past. 

One must find the balance between reading about life and learning about life AND ACTUALLY LIVING IT. 

Which brings me to a favorite book, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, A Year of Food Life, by Barbara Kingsolver. I  couldn't have enjoyed this book more. It reminds me of my most recent foodie book, Whole30. The only way to go through a life change is to embrace it head on and with humor. The constructive discussion about how to achieve a goal spreads graciously over like foliage into all areas of life. It's a beautiful insight into one author's world, and enlightens us into the authenticity of her work, Prodigal Summer. 

So what take-away did I share with a local-bestie today? 

"Do It Scared." 

Once confidence and wisdom are on the mend it's important to try. State things in the affirmative. Move forward. 

Embrace the Moonflower ~ October 2019

I'm a gardener. I'm not an excellent gardener, but no time in the soil can be wasted. We have found a small rhythm of smallish projects that keep us busy. Our yard and garden are the result of a large forgotten, for-closed  subdivision lot. We have 3 raised beds we have now given over to sunflowers, zinnias and jalepeno` peppers. There is even an asparagus bed that has taken good hold. Occasionally we pick up a few bushes and plant within numerous outcroppings of lush perennials. My hope is to draw pollinators and grow glorious color. There is, though, one plant that will not die. The battle I've waged with this one has been unsuccessful, and its prominence right out my kitchen window is all the more insulting. A moonflower is a thing of wonder. Their most beautiful bloom is so unique. Yet it grows on a plant so awkward in its form. At a distance it is tolerable. I know this, because my neighbor has one in his yard. It is hardly noticeable until it blooms. But up close, it's awkward stalks are unstoppable. Persistent, unyielding, it rises like a bouquet of bamboo, with too many knuckles and ankle joints. The bloom begins, but appears, up until the point of blossom, like a spent and faded yellow tissue. But then it blooms and all of the anticipation(dread) has been worth what might be thought an accident. For all the frustration, it showed me. It's pointless to try to improve it, shape it, mold it. It's going to be just what it was created to be. I just get to watch it bloom. Despite my attempts to amend and cause effect, instead I am offered the up-close seat to appreciate and witness. 
If I had been around in the planning of this yard, I might have been able to offer better locations for some of the landscaping. If I was wise, I would have given it a better place, to be seen in a more  complimentary profile. But I wasn't, and ignorantly would have likely torn it away with an earthmover.  I've accepted tree stumps in all the wrong places (I know how to handle those), but up until this 10th year of working this yard, I've never allowed this plant to take it's rightful place in the scheme of our 'garden,' just as it is.  There are some things that can't be fixed, time and opportunity lost are just that- lost. And perhaps  the original essence would have been altered with change. Damaged roots sometimes never recover. The perfection I've sought just isn't as important as learning the lesson of acceptance, contentment, and observation. 

The garden of perfection is long gone. But the opportunity to see beauty in creation is never ending. Quit kicking and chopping. Appreciate it's beauty. Let it grow tall. Watch it bloom. 

Full Circle ~ September 2019

Today's challenge Athens Fit Body Boot Camp is 'Accountability.' Oh my. #week3FBBC 

When we set goals and we put our feet on the path to their end, 

we must look back momentarily,

 to see that note on a cryptic notepad, and cross off that task. 

Yes. I. Did. I put my hand to the task of strengthening my body, so that I could experience a 'meta' version of strengthening the soul and body. I'm not a 'gym-girl.' -- but,  

sometimes we must put down our known identify in favor of stepping into the unknown

 and 

embracing the possibilities of 

'what if?' 

Bottom Row, 2nd From Left

All Mockingbird and No Black Ships Before Dawn ~August 2019

Middle School Language Arts will begin this semester with one of the mysteries in my education: The Iliad. So I'm employing my first 'career ideology' -- teach only up to what grade you know. At 10 years old, I figured I was safe with 3rd grade math. So, I'm using that plan and sticking with what I believe will share the story of 'The Illiad,' and then a few poetic passages from the original transalations. These kids don't know how lucky they are! Dan Stevens is the most recent favorite narrator we'll listen to, and we'll be reading, Black Ships Before Dawn, by Rosemary Sutcliff. The story is simplified, a few of the more adult themes are toned down, but the epic is clear and readily available to a wider range of capabilities and literary foundations. I'm doing my best to keep up with the live stream today from Roman Roads Read Aloud, 'Homer's Iliad.' 
How did I get this far and not have read the 'Big 3,' Ancient Epics? 
Well, could it have any connection to a bit of a scattered highschool experience? Dad would apologize now, but the truth is, I think I got the better part. In highschool, I remember lying on our divan (the long formal sofa we inherited from Grandma Bassett,) and literally looking over my shoulder as I read To Kill A Mockingbird, by Harper Lee. I remember when Scout was stumbling in the dark in her ham costume, all the while Mr. Ewell was stalking after she and Jem. Please, I read all night. 
I really don't remember reading that many books as a kid. But I do remember reading A Little Princess, by Francis Hodges Burnett. I imagined more than once what that must have been like, to live in an attic, cold in the winter, hot in the summer. Of course, I didn't have to imagine much. The year I read that, we lived in a farm house in Ohio. My brother, Drake, and I could see our breath in our bedrooms. I believe he actually scratched frost off the wall of an early morning. Dad, again, would say he had regrets, and I would say in reply, how I would have never learned to ice skate on a pond in sub-zero weather, at the horse farm across the street, had he not pursued his education in such a cold climate. I would have never had the the exact experience of sharing a library with amazing childhood friends, as well as a lunch table in highschool with my book buddies who read and munched our pizza and green bean lunches in the cafeteria. 
While my Dad was studying ancient Hebrew, I was learning about medieval history in Mrs. Shield's Honors World History class. I really don't know how I made it into that class, except my advisors felt sorry for me and thought I needed to stick with my smart friends. But Dad made a functioning catapult for with me, and I learned chainmail wasn't a folded middle school note shared with multiple friends. 
I love knowing a book by heart. I can 'book/chapter/verse' many a tale or saga. But the thrill of sharing a new-to-me-and-you book with a student-- *that* is exciting. Maybe one day, students in this class will dive into The Eagle of the Ninth or King Arthur  with a new eye for reading with an unknown story, remembering all the while  the Trojan Horse and reading  Black Ships Before Dawn, with crazy Mrs. Sherman. 
What I've found only at age 50+ ~~ 
'Reading is Posession.' 
Now I can't stop. And I have no plans to try.