Thoughts {Feelings} Actions and a Double Feature ~ December 2019

While I'm munching tasty treats topped with Rasberry Pepper Jelly from Thomasville, GA, I'm hammering out the worlds problems with my bff on a Monday. My snack is leftover's from Thanksgiving, and my thoughts are straight out of 'Life in Grace' Life Mentoring School. 
Over and over, Edie kept saying, it comes down to your thoughts. You can't change someone, you can't make people behave differently (even your kids.) Circumstances don't always change or go away. Changing the circumstance doesn't always bring the desired result. Actually, almost always it doesn't bring the desired result. It just creates more chaos.  
I've gained so much from Edie's classes. For years, I've known the concept of 'Thoughts produce Actions,' but with this new approach inserting the feelings, and asking? 

What do I want to feel? And her answer kept coming back, 

'Then you have to change your thoughts.'

Eventually we run out of adrenaline to push through the difficult times. We can do hard things. But taking every thought captive is really a pretty healthy guideline for living. 

 I want to thrive~not just survive! 

Inspirational Double Feature last night after surviving/thriving through Thanksgiving week: 

Queen of Katwe 

Secretariat.

Music for the Soul ~November 2019

Amazon MP3

Not the traditional fare. 

Community, Working-Out ~ November 2019

     Of all the things I never imagined would come from working out came community. I look for the brave faces who dress for comfort over style and bravely bare their (our) less than perfect bodies.  A handful of friends I've known have been in my classes, surprising me with their strength and stealth at the same time. One friend, I knew worked out, literally dumbfounded me with her agility and core strength. Her plank was a thing of beauty. For all my attempts, I still looked like I was barely trying. But that's the thing about real community: folks will meet you where you are and know you are trying just by showing up. You've already made yourself vulnerable. When you face-plant like I did one day, you're cheered on by getting up and back to it. When you concentrate your effort on isolating the muscle for the intended stretch, you're on the platform at the Olympics. At the right gym, folks know you're not trying to make the swimsuit calendar-- they know already you are in training-- you know your 'why.'  Obstacles are everywhere and you've got to strengthen for the long-game. With every weight successfully lifted, with every fly masterfully engaged, the body preps for when the mind wants to falter. It really does work, if you work it. Nana 'V' always said, 'Use it or you lose it.' She walked our creek side road in Franklin, often leaving us in the dust with her speed. Right up to the end, she flexed her arthritis ridden fingers, in numeric rhythm. Use it, or lose it. Or as Red says, 'Get busy livin' or get busy dyin.'
     The hardest thing about changing old patterns is realigning deeply rutted traditions. Those that center around fellowship and family. Meals, dinner, Sunday lunch, evening gatherings. I found #Whole30 to be a hugely successful approach for me a year ago, but I'm to the stage now where I need to move forward with planning and recipes, meal prepping and focus. Interpret this to say, I'm slipping because my taste buds are bored and my time is limited even more. Stress levels are high and food and drink are my buffers. The holidays are here and I've fallen back into foods like a stunt man falling off a building. 
     So I've pulled out a couple of favorites, including Whole 30 Fast and Easy. To double down and not miss the moment of transition out of my 10 week Fit Body Challenge, I plan to start meal planning more effectively. I've only done what feels like 'level 1' of eating healthy. The staples and basic and sometimes obvious things. But my taste buds are burnt out.  21 days is what folks say it takes to start a habit. Sustainability requires a plan. 
     Community is essential.  Having a common goal or activitiy creates the opportunity to be with people. With the holidays here, a handful of invitations have come my way. They are a blessing, but the everyday community is what sustains us. Yesterday, I was reminded of a book I see everywhere but have never read. I have already been encouraged to improve my 'Turquoise Table,' prep the coffee and be in community. The Turquoise Table: Finding Community and Connection in Your Own Front Yard by Kristin Schell has offered up numerous simple ideas for engaging and noticing those around us and being present. 

     Another I found that appealed to the need for schedule was Return to Sunday Dinner: The Simple Delight of Family, Food, Friends, and Food by Russell Cronkhite. Predictability and consistency are calming in our chaotic world. This book has far more to offer than recipes. It's mere presence on my shelf  reminds me the importance of what I grew up knowing about Sunday dinner.  (But it doesn't have to be Sunday. Ann Moses made legendary pizza every Friday night for years. Years.) Many of the recipes are not quite #whole30 compliant, but that's not the focus. Finding the compromise and creating the beauty around what comes from making the effort is the goal. 

      Thanksgiving is tomorrow. So many things for which to give thanks. Here's to being a good steward of the abundance of God's good grace. God be honored in all things. HE is Worthy. 

The Obstacle is the Way -->Discipline of Action ~ November 2019

It is no secret I love new construction, so on the way back from dropping Eric at work, I took a few pictures of these particular houses.  But more importantly the obstacle the contractors faced.

I don't know the diameter of the stump remaining, but I can imagine this  tree was spectacular in its height and dimension. Ironically, I've traveled this road in downtown Athens many times. But I can't remember the tree, or even the timeworn house or houses that were likely torn down. But in their place are two very tidy attractive homes. I can hear the builders talking about this tree, the headache of it's removal will cause. The possible protests from naturalists that abound. But for better or for worse, he moved forward anyway, made the necessary calls, and planned the demolition and the tree's removal. 

From The Obstacle is the Way, by Ryan Holiday

 "But in our lives, when our worst instincts are in control, we dally. We don't act like Demosthenes, we act frail and are powerless to make ourselves better. We may be able to articulate a problem, even potential solutions, but then weeks, months, or sometimes years later, the problem is still there. Or it's gotten worse. As though we expect someone else to handle it, as though we honestly believe that there is a chance of obstacles unobstacle-ing themselves. 

We've all done it. Said: "I am so [overwhelmed, tired, stressed, busy, blocked, outmatched]."

And then what do we do about it? Go out and party. Or treat ourselves. Or sleep in. Or wait. 

It feels better to ignore or pretned. But you know deep down that that isn't going to truly make it any better. 

You've got to act. And you've got to start now." 

Standing at Poplar and Mulberry ~ Athens, GA

Painting with Miss Mustard Seed ~ November 2019

Recently, I won the prize for thrifting in a moment of chance. I snagged the tag for the best piece of furniture among the lot of discarded items and didn't look back. After having several folks ask me if I was really going to buy it, I knew I'd scored a keeper. 
This dresser has found its home in Henry's room. It's wood was quite beautiful, but raw, and needed a protective coating. 

I love Miss Mustard Seed's projects and decided to purchase some of her sealer. I've used it now on two projects and its beautiful. It's clear, non-yellowing and durable. I'll be on the look out for more furniture to experiment with her colors of chalk paint. My favorite is 'Boxwood.' If you're looking for a great  sealer to protect your hard work, I can recommend this for making the finish last. *You'll note, my bottle has been used for 2 coats, so you can see how much I used for the project. Also, the label covered some of the instructions, but I knew I could find instructions at Marian's blog if I needed them. 

*Amazon Affiliate Links

"How are all those resolutions you made going?" November 2019

Well into the fourth quarter of 2019, I've been asked about my book purchases, my diet and my exercise. While there were a few other commitments that I quietly added in January, those are the top three. I am reminded about my self challenge, 

"A Year from Now, You'll Wish You'd Started Today." 

So instead of counting regrets, this year I'm counting accomplishments. Instead of stepping into December with panic and dread, I'm getting creative with my shop and adding students to the schedule. 

Instead of eating the whole box of cookies and camping on the sofa indoors, I'm adjusting my thinking to an intentional way of living. 

Intentional living allows for the slip-up, but not living in denial. 

So, what worked? 

I began to move. Literally. I started walking regularly at least 2 miles at a time, and at all times of the day. Weather is only a circumstance, and if perceived negatively, I reminded myself that, 

'The Obstacle is the Way,' 

and,

 'What doesn't kill ya, makes you stronger.' 

I started listening to different voices. A mantra can create deep ruts in the mind, so I actively started to listen to life affirming 'voices.' Podcasts, friends, family who 'got' me and 'support' my effort to succeed and live life fully. While the negative voices don't always go away-including our own negative thoughts, and when we proactively choose to listen to fulfilling life affirming conversation, we are less likely to buy into destructive lies we might have once told ourselves. 

A year ago, I actively reunited myself to Edie Wadsworth at Life In Grace. I was watching her Facebook live videos in December. These became the fundamentals to her Life Mentoring School. I started taking these classes in September 2019, and couldn't be more thankful. 

My friend Sondra has successfully participated in Athens Fit Body Boot Camp for a year, and with her genuine giving spirit, she has helped and encouraged me through a 10 Week Challenge. 

Yup ~10 Weeks.

 I found muscles I forgot I had. The physicality of the class combined with the amazing guidance and encouragement to do HARD things set me up for another facet of change. I actually WANTED to go to the gym. My body feels better and my dependence on stress buffering agents has decreased. Clearer thinking and confidence were the bi-products I needed and achieved. 

I became accountable to myself. Instead of looking for loopholes, I began look the path of resistance square in the eye. This sounds counter intuitive, but it is usually where the problem is, and once the problem is conquered (or accepted by looking at it instead of avoiding it), the path is clear to do hard things. Once you do the hard things, life seems to open up to allow what is deeply fulfilling. 

Books. Well, I haven't stopped buying, but my number is well under that of years past and almost exclusively, I buy from the FOL (Friends of the Library) book room. This year, I didn't even go to the BIG sale. I know..... did you just feel a gust of spooky wind roll through?? Instead, I've been utilizing a library app on my phone to access books more effectively. I actually used this for teaching this fall, which was one of my 'loopholes' (excuses for retail therapy) I've abused this greatly in the past. 

One must find the balance between reading about life and learning about life AND ACTUALLY LIVING IT. 

Which brings me to a favorite book, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, A Year of Food Life, by Barbara Kingsolver. I  couldn't have enjoyed this book more. It reminds me of my most recent foodie book, Whole30. The only way to go through a life change is to embrace it head on and with humor. The constructive discussion about how to achieve a goal spreads graciously over like foliage into all areas of life. It's a beautiful insight into one author's world, and enlightens us into the authenticity of her work, Prodigal Summer. 

So what take-away did I share with a local-bestie today? 

"Do It Scared." 

Once confidence and wisdom are on the mend it's important to try. State things in the affirmative. Move forward. 

Embrace the Moonflower ~ October 2019

I'm a gardener. I'm not an excellent gardener, but no time in the soil can be wasted. We have found a small rhythm of smallish projects that keep us busy. Our yard and garden are the result of a large forgotten, for-closed  subdivision lot. We have 3 raised beds we have now given over to sunflowers, zinnias and jalepeno` peppers. There is even an asparagus bed that has taken good hold. Occasionally we pick up a few bushes and plant within numerous outcroppings of lush perennials. My hope is to draw pollinators and grow glorious color. There is, though, one plant that will not die. The battle I've waged with this one has been unsuccessful, and its prominence right out my kitchen window is all the more insulting. A moonflower is a thing of wonder. Their most beautiful bloom is so unique. Yet it grows on a plant so awkward in its form. At a distance it is tolerable. I know this, because my neighbor has one in his yard. It is hardly noticeable until it blooms. But up close, it's awkward stalks are unstoppable. Persistent, unyielding, it rises like a bouquet of bamboo, with too many knuckles and ankle joints. The bloom begins, but appears, up until the point of blossom, like a spent and faded yellow tissue. But then it blooms and all of the anticipation(dread) has been worth what might be thought an accident. For all the frustration, it showed me. It's pointless to try to improve it, shape it, mold it. It's going to be just what it was created to be. I just get to watch it bloom. Despite my attempts to amend and cause effect, instead I am offered the up-close seat to appreciate and witness. 
If I had been around in the planning of this yard, I might have been able to offer better locations for some of the landscaping. If I was wise, I would have given it a better place, to be seen in a more  complimentary profile. But I wasn't, and ignorantly would have likely torn it away with an earthmover.  I've accepted tree stumps in all the wrong places (I know how to handle those), but up until this 10th year of working this yard, I've never allowed this plant to take it's rightful place in the scheme of our 'garden,' just as it is.  There are some things that can't be fixed, time and opportunity lost are just that- lost. And perhaps  the original essence would have been altered with change. Damaged roots sometimes never recover. The perfection I've sought just isn't as important as learning the lesson of acceptance, contentment, and observation. 

The garden of perfection is long gone. But the opportunity to see beauty in creation is never ending. Quit kicking and chopping. Appreciate it's beauty. Let it grow tall. Watch it bloom. 

Full Circle ~ September 2019

Today's challenge Athens Fit Body Boot Camp is 'Accountability.' Oh my. #week3FBBC 

When we set goals and we put our feet on the path to their end, 

we must look back momentarily,

 to see that note on a cryptic notepad, and cross off that task. 

Yes. I. Did. I put my hand to the task of strengthening my body, so that I could experience a 'meta' version of strengthening the soul and body. I'm not a 'gym-girl.' -- but,  

sometimes we must put down our known identify in favor of stepping into the unknown

 and 

embracing the possibilities of 

'what if?' 

Bottom Row, 2nd From Left

All Mockingbird and No Black Ships Before Dawn ~August 2019

Middle School Language Arts will begin this semester with one of the mysteries in my education: The Iliad. So I'm employing my first 'career ideology' -- teach only up to what grade you know. At 10 years old, I figured I was safe with 3rd grade math. So, I'm using that plan and sticking with what I believe will share the story of 'The Illiad,' and then a few poetic passages from the original transalations. These kids don't know how lucky they are! Dan Stevens is the most recent favorite narrator we'll listen to, and we'll be reading, Black Ships Before Dawn, by Rosemary Sutcliff. The story is simplified, a few of the more adult themes are toned down, but the epic is clear and readily available to a wider range of capabilities and literary foundations. I'm doing my best to keep up with the live stream today from Roman Roads Read Aloud, 'Homer's Iliad.' 
How did I get this far and not have read the 'Big 3,' Ancient Epics? 
Well, could it have any connection to a bit of a scattered highschool experience? Dad would apologize now, but the truth is, I think I got the better part. In highschool, I remember lying on our divan (the long formal sofa we inherited from Grandma Bassett,) and literally looking over my shoulder as I read To Kill A Mockingbird, by Harper Lee. I remember when Scout was stumbling in the dark in her ham costume, all the while Mr. Ewell was stalking after she and Jem. Please, I read all night. 
I really don't remember reading that many books as a kid. But I do remember reading A Little Princess, by Francis Hodges Burnett. I imagined more than once what that must have been like, to live in an attic, cold in the winter, hot in the summer. Of course, I didn't have to imagine much. The year I read that, we lived in a farm house in Ohio. My brother, Drake, and I could see our breath in our bedrooms. I believe he actually scratched frost off the wall of an early morning. Dad, again, would say he had regrets, and I would say in reply, how I would have never learned to ice skate on a pond in sub-zero weather, at the horse farm across the street, had he not pursued his education in such a cold climate. I would have never had the the exact experience of sharing a library with amazing childhood friends, as well as a lunch table in highschool with my book buddies who read and munched our pizza and green bean lunches in the cafeteria. 
While my Dad was studying ancient Hebrew, I was learning about medieval history in Mrs. Shield's Honors World History class. I really don't know how I made it into that class, except my advisors felt sorry for me and thought I needed to stick with my smart friends. But Dad made a functioning catapult for with me, and I learned chainmail wasn't a folded middle school note shared with multiple friends. 
I love knowing a book by heart. I can 'book/chapter/verse' many a tale or saga. But the thrill of sharing a new-to-me-and-you book with a student-- *that* is exciting. Maybe one day, students in this class will dive into The Eagle of the Ninth or King Arthur  with a new eye for reading with an unknown story, remembering all the while  the Trojan Horse and reading  Black Ships Before Dawn, with crazy Mrs. Sherman. 
What I've found only at age 50+ ~~ 
'Reading is Posession.' 
Now I can't stop. And I have no plans to try. 

Tatoos, Bumperstickers, Summer ~ July 2019

Standing in line to check out in the Athens-Clark Public Library, I noticed one of the few tatoos I'd consider having. There is something about Rosie the Riveter that strikes at the heart of every woman. And there she was boldly staring me down from the arm of the mother cued up with books and babes in tow.

Norman Rockwell’s ‘Rosie the Riveter’ The Saturday Evening Post 

I knew I'd be crossing the Rubicon of Culture as I spoke up to this strong mama. I don't remember what I said, but it wasn't as stupid as it would be if I tried to recreate it now. She was flattered and kindly turned towards me and greeted my boys. They weren't all smocked up, so we didn't appear to be aliens. Little did she know, she was the pace-setter for the next 10 years of my life.

The next friend I met was at Tae Kwon Do for my homeschooled kids. Juli Wisotsky. My heart swells thinking of that day on the bench in the Carter's Dojo off Alps Road. She was in the process of specializing in adoption law. Already an attorney, she was refining her work to serve now hundreds of parents, both adoptive and birth, in life changing decisions. She took note some years later that one thing she knew about me, I'd always have on the same pendant nechlace, a gift from Drake and Kelley for my birthday, when we first moved here. Lisa Leonard's 'tree of life' with our little family's names circled about the tree. It's a raw and a simply stamped metal pendant. Sacred. I've only added and swapped it out a few times for a more polished version Mom gave me, and the addition:  a small ring from Kelly Bell with a friendship message engraved inside. But I always return to the original pendant. I tend to stick to less painful engravings and stampings to share experience or passion. Take for instance bumperstickers- I blamed the kids for them for a while, but now it's me. I'm the one picking them out and putting them on the van. But I think all these things serve as reminders and markers that declare something about us we wish not to forget. But also, we wish for others to know. A declaration of sorts. But some markers we would change, some mantras we'd rather swap for a newly discovered truth, when the image we bear no longer suits our soul. If  I recall correctly, Juli told me that exact thing, that she wished she didn't have the tatoos, not that she's against tatoos, but because they were a part of a life she no longer lived. They were a reminder of a past she'd given up, a life she'd left behind.
I heard a favorite line about parenting in the movie, 'Eat, Pray, Love'. The character played by Julia Roberts is unhappily married with no kids, struggling in her life-plan, who shares her angst with her friend played by Viola Davis, who has just had a baby. Viola turns to Julia, in character of course, with swagger and gust, holding and consoling her babe, and replies adroitly, "Having a child is like getting a tatoo on your face. You have to be committed.' The Jonas Brothers have a current pop-hit that includes the line, 'You're the tatoo on my brain.' And I think of my children, and that tatoo on my brain and how some thoughts are hidden in our hearts, like Jesus' mother, Mary. Some thoughts we wish we didn't have to hold. But we do. When our children look at us, they expect us to hold every memory, like it was yesterday, just as they remember it. We are the marker-keepers, the arm that wears the tatoo, the van with the stickers, the bearers of the good choices and the bad.
Eric and I would agree that both boys will remember this as a good summer. And that is what I can hope. I hope they remember predictability, consistent joy, safety. I pray they remember their mother and father laughing, praying, keeping a rhythm that is steady, prepared, and ready with space on that same van for the next bumper sticker -- and flexibility and patience for even -- the unexpected tatoo.

Crossroads and the Sweltering Heat - May 2019 into June 2019

Crossroads are not always unwelcome. And mine are not right now, but letting go of one thing to take hold of  another can be fretful. In some ways, our recent sweltering and oven-like heat has been metaphoric to me, reminding me, that I once enjoyed the overwhelming heat of summer. Now I'm just not able to tolerate it. Just unable to withstand the sun and how it drains you, leaves you worthless.
Admitting too much sun is disabling is in some ways- it's like letting go of childhood, the simple things that once characterized a carefree sense of summer. I don't think my mother was exempt from this feeling all the time either, but I believe even she would say, our lives were far more carefree, especially in summer.

Me hiding in the shade and avoiding the dinner hour. 

May went by with great haste and now we are midway through June. Seventy- five years ago, soldiers were several days into the Invasion of D-Day, and France was on it's way to liberation.
Recently reading, The Nightingale, by Kristin Hannah, it is fresh on my mind. My friend Elizabeth, who finished at the same marathon pace I did, shared how trivial her trials felt by comparison. The story is so real, and so layered. When you believe it can’t get worse, it does. Yet their perseverance is what drives you on, to finish the book without blinking. I found the aspect of the sister’s relationship interesting. The Close Readers are discussing Sense and Sensibility, and 'sister- teams' (#TeamMarianne or #TeamElinor) are dividing up. But after a good laugh, most admit relating to both sisters, and reflecting also on the sisters in Pride and Prejudice, it comes to the forefront that they are not enemies, but complimentary and an expression of their family's dynamic. Because as the reader, we are sometimes informed to subtle nuances unknown to the characters, we can contrive and create and even understand, what they may not see.  In our own lives, we can learn the same- perhaps with our own siblings, our own companions; we would do well to appreciate our complimentary characteristics and less of our differences, knowing there are so many things we just can't see or understand, including the other's perspective. In the ‘Nightingale’the family all are impacted by sudden intense dramatic moments, as well as incremental tragedy. The story beautifully weaves the family in and out of each other’s lives, and at the same time shares a greater story of hopeful redemption, not unlike that demonstrated by our Lord. As my friend Elizabeth said, don’t finish this book in a public place. Be prepared to mourn, but also be prepared to face anew the challenge you find in your own life. The story will linger in your memory and you will, I believe, be compelled to embrace challenge as it comes your way.