If you we're wondering...

In a recent post over at Mt. Hope Chronicles, Heidi posted a candid letter to a 'dear friend'. It was honest. Open, so that those who might think her world was 'perfect' would realize she was just like anyone else. I often talk in lofty thought, ideals, positives, scriptures. So this is why I posted my comments about the post-office job. Something do-able hit the radar. Something even I could justify. So...

If you we're wondering, I, in all likelihood will not persue(a word I can NEVER spell correctly) a career with the postal service just now. But it ranks right up there with the kind of thing that people always wonder about homeschool mom's. Do you miss working outside the home? do you ever think you'll go back to work? did you always think you'd homeschool? You must be very patient... I could never do that.

Like most mothers, I think I've had my share of days of complete confidence in 'the plan'(my plan being to stay at home while my kids are at home & homeschool), but there are those days you'd just like to pack it up and send them to FULL TIME DAYCARE. Anywhere, but in your own care. I'd love to have a cleaning lady, I'd love to have carpets that don't resemble a locker room floor.

I'd love to decorate with the confidence that it will not get broken before the day ends.

I'd love to have a parent-teacher conference that involves more than me and my husband.

But will I? No. I'm a pretty determined little gal, this one. I've read just about every source, even those undocumented in this blog, that convicts me for now that this is the road we'll take. That of what seems to be a traditional track, and perhaps even more narrow of homeschooling.

Now I'm also a practical gal, learning along the way, that educating one's own children doesn't always look like what you've always thought. One of my dearest friends in the world seems to have a 'helper' around pretty regularly. We often shared carpool duties to activities our children shared, I trusted her judgment in those she allowed to care for her children, and didn't overthink the ramifications of them being 'out of my care'.

I'm a very deliberate person. But I'm often the one considered a little more lax in my parameters of mothering. I'm never called a 'helicopter mom' (the hovering mom) when probably I could have been a little more involved for the happiness of everyone. But it's interesting in getting to know people, what they perceive to be the reasons one homeschools.

There are numerous reasons I want to homeschool. There are many that I can rattle off in an academic style list. But probably, it's not that I'm worried about others influence, but my lack of influence if I'm less focused on them. My opportunity for influence will diminish as the years sneak away. And they aren't sneaking anymore. Jack grew 3 inches this last year. He's huge. But his mind is what is showing me, he needs me & Eric more than he's ever needed us.

Does he need others? YES. Unequivocally. But I know myself. I cannot do 2 jobs well. My focus becomes well, diminished, weakened, lessened, when I'm involved with even noble projects.

I'm just now learning this. I used to be even a little weirded out by folks who wanted to be closer to their kids. But in this world's social, academic, spiritual, etc.. climate-- my kids need me. And they need me to be full of wholesome rituals & consistency. And quite frankly those are my weaknesses. For every 'fun-day' of homeschooling, there was a painfully awkward day of poor parenting. (that's the reality of blogging... we only want to see the good stuff, that's encouraging right? (see my reference above to http://mthopeacademy.blogspot.com/2010/09/another-note-to-another-friend.html & her letter to a friend )

This is why even tho it may be a small thing, to take a random few Saturday's in the post office to fullfill a lifelong dream(? I know, I know...), I can't go there. I've got too much conditioning of my heart, because he/they are watching. And God is hoping I'll focus on the time I have with them.

Focusing on one's kids is a personal thing-- I remember one time riding with my Dad when I was an adult, we parked at a convenience store & a car pulled up beside us. We noticed there were little kids in the back seat, safely buckled, a mom & a dad. As the dad got out to go in, we noticed the music was a little louder, perhaps even not my first choice for kids, but we noticed they were all together. They were a family. They were kind to one another, & had what looked like a fun evening going. My Dad commented 'how nice it was to see a family- together.'

For me, it's picking up on subtle nuances or thoughts in our family's conversation. Tonight someone said 'Holy cow' in a sentence, and Jack said innocently, 'is that like a God cow?' He wasn't being silly... you know when you're kids are being silly. He really thought holiness is something we associate with godliness & God. So do I. I don't recommend to my children to use this phrase. Holiness is too sacred, our speech is to be with care.

I can't interpret what it looks like for another's family. You may even be able to balance work/home/kids in a way that really, in truly works for you. And glorifies God to the best of one's ability. You may really have no other choice. I may be there with you, dear sister, one day. But for us, right now, it involves me devoting myself to the task at hand. I've never been good at 'part-time' work. Before too long, I'm full-time on part-time pay or usually no pay. So for now, I'll sit tight, and hope that when graduation comes (from homeschool/private school or public school), the post office is still hiring geriatrics. Cuz that's just where I'll be.