Daffodils and Atomic Habits ~ February-April 2020

The daffodils came and went in the blur of February and March. The were stunning though. They are God's surprise when you think you can't take one more bleak day of winter. Their fragrance is incomparable. Their color and diverse shapes so unique. 
In the month of February, I determined to use my kindle more. I've been working through some  habit building non-fiction and found it easier to complete if I used the electronic platform. While there I actually downloaded a copy of British Edition, Country Living, which included a full feature on daffodils. Packed full of loveliness, it is almost as good as having the hardcopy.  A last thought about daffodils: It is a unique effort to have a field of daffodils. They are planted, one by one and must if the best impact is to be achieved, be planted in large groups. Then there is the waiting- waiting for the spring to see them come up and bloom for a short time, before becoming a leggy undesirable spent bloom. But they are worth it. 

Emma Bridgewater Mugs ~My new favorite for Tea & Coffee

Setting Goals this year has been complimented by the observable accomplishments we see in our yard turned garden. Over the years, we have bit by bit carved out spaces with plantings, requiring patience to see the overall outcome. But we are beginning to see the fruits of our labor. Literally. A few years ago, Eric picked a peach from a tree in our neighbors yard, and planted the pit in soil. We didn't think much of it, but it is now in our yard, complimented by another we purchased from the nursery. It's really amazing and this year we may have fruit from that very tree. 

Atomic Habits is an idea as well as a book I borrowed from the library. I committed last year to borrow more books than buy them. This is one that while it is excellent, I needed to reserve the dollars for other things. 

Current situation: It will be May in a day and I'm sorting out where/how I'm going to spend my time, and what I hope to accomplish with these new 'habit' skills. March came in like a lion, only to be followed by a stampede of unfriendly elephants. The 'shelter-at-home' order has been one I never imagined to be such a challenge. Our household dynamics are our own, but I'm sure relatable to everyone. Everyone was and continues to be challenged by their unique circumstances. I allowed grace to be given and felt, to know there are some things I really can't change, but dealing with them and experiencing them must be given the time and attention required.  But  I MUST remember-- these are *just* circumstances. I can choose to take charge of my thoughts or let them rule me and my daily habits. Having completed the academic year (September through April) of 'Life Mentoring School,' with Edie Wadsworth at Life In Grace, I am well armed to move forward in a much more settled and confident way. I would say it has been life changing, like no other class or counseling I've received or participated in. So I wrap up this year, such that is has been. Whatever side-hustle or hobby is completed will be so, and that which has not will be shelved for the for-seeable future. It is time to chart the calendar and accomplish some of the things that were derailed by the virus this spring. Back to eating well, wearing clothes I can button, and exercising so that I can fit into something besides yoga pants! 

Forget-me-nots and Polka-dots ~ December 2019

Watching Miss Universe last night was noteworthy in many ways.  The pagentry of all of the costumes representing their countries and their unique cultures was amazing. Miss Ukraine (Eric's family heritage) was stunning, as was the winner, Miss South Africa. So beautiful, truly breathtaking were each of the women who had made it to the world stage to represent their country. What was even more amazing were the accomplishments of each of these women. Some were lawyers, some were spokespersons for profoundly important charitable organizations. In a moment though, they were quick to remind the watcher they were once thought to be unqualified by their ethnicity and dark skin. Dismissed. 

Miss South Africa mentioned specifically just this, while her grace and glamour inspired watching youth of color around the world. She inspired me, this white middled aged mom of Quaker, English decent. 
I knew my sister-in-law Catherene, would be watching. I found myself rooting for Miss Phillippines, knowing 'Cat' would be cheering too. On Thanksgiving, we all went to Jeff and Cat's house and savored her homemade Lo-mein and Spring Rolls, filled with pork and chicken. We had all the customary 'traditional' foods too, but the first to go is always the spring rolls. They were especially tasty as her mother, Conchita, visiting from the Phillipines, prepared them.  Every year brings change, including my nephew  Angelo, reminding me how important it is not to get stuck in the past, but to move forward, with bravery-- if required. We must accept change, and seek beauty where ever it shows up. We must train our eyes to see beauty and opportunity and life!  Our minds will look for safety and familiarity, *even if that familiarity is ladened with grief*, but think of what we'll miss, if we stick to our ruts and never venture out. If there is anything Cat has taught me, it is this-- to venture out. I can't imagine what we all would have missed if she hadn't. 

Jeff and Cat were married very soon after Dad passed from this life.  It would seem, that year, I was starting all over, hanging on more tightly to familiar things, thoughts, moments. Fearful.  Grief does that. I clung to broken ways, fearful methods. Time heals though. I now hear him  (Dad's voice in my mind) cheering every new goal met, every challenge embraced, and most importantly(haha), I hear him asking if there is any left-over Lo-mein. (The man loved tasty foods.) The laughter may rattle the sorrow out of its rut, but its so easy to teeter back into the cavern. 

In June of 2019, I listened to this TED Talk, as about 51 million others did.  

"We don't move on, we move forward."

For a special family occasion, I wrapped presents in polka dot paper, and Cat was so pleased, for in the Phillipines, polka-dots represent joy and happiness. I am reminded again how choosing to see joy in little places is really *our choice.* Attitude is everything, Being gracious to ourselves in our moments of challenge and weakness is vital, but being our own coach to train our thoughts to see beauty is essential. Holding our 'forget-me-nots' while moving forward is the key. 
*I add this today, in honor of Cat's father who just passed this week. There is a time to mourn. Mourning is a part of life. I pray that you feel God's comfort and heal with good memories.