Stand by Your Man

I posted this previously but thought it was worth sharing again today with those at A Holy Experience.

A common theme among wives & mother's is a dangerous one. Trash talking your man. Don't go there. Don't talk him down. Don't air the dirty laundry, when it would be more helpful to throw it in the washer with bleach. Talking good about your man does other's good too, because they start thinking of something their husband did well, a kindness he bestowed on them, or an activity he did with their children. Talk well of your man. Be proud of him.

We watched 'The Sound of Music' recently(known by Henry as 'the lady that sings') and I remember it was said, during the first showing in theatre, the real Maria Von Trapp stood during the entire movie, singing along. Perhaps she liked to sing, but something makes me think she was proud of her life & her family. But she also stood by her man, as they, to my best memory, had, in unusual circumstances, little to nothing when they left their beloved Austria. (If my sources are right, she & her husband did not share a romantic love at first, like hollywood would have us believe, but developed it, as she began to appreciate marriage. )Don't hestiate to speak well of your man, not in a braggardly fashion, but never in a poor light. He needs your undivided devotion.(respect) He needs to know it in his heart, that he is the object of your affection.

Does my man know it, or does everyone else know the 'list of done me wrongs'? Be there for him, in a way that is uncommon. Never, never, never 'trash talk'. Being there for a sister often turns into an unfruitful session of excuses: don't make excuses, find the good and dwell on that.

post script: If you don't say the positives he needs to hear, he'll find it somewhere else. Sad commentary, but there are way too many sources for that outside of our home, that often start off benign, and end up.. less that benign. Safe guard your home, find the good in your man, let your kids hear that you respect him(and speak well of him in their presence, even if he's not around to hear it.) This is the greatest thing you can do to help your kids: help your marriage succeed. Give them the greatest sense of security by doing the hard things- speaking well of him, even when it's difficult.

A book I found helpful regarding submission(another one of those 'charged' words) is by Richard J. Foster, Celebration of Discipline. He divides spiritual disciplines into 3 categories- inward, outward & corporate. Submission is beautifully & well explored in the discussion of outward disciplines. I highly recommend it if you are like me, tired of the 50/50 unscriptural description of marital submission.

An excellent article shared with me by my oh so wise sister in law, was that regarding 'dying to self' in marriage. Go here for an interesting discussion of the book 'What Did You Expect?'