On Monday the week of Thanksgiving, we planned to go to Six Flags theme park. Boys were encouraged to find a friend, preferably one that has a reputation of getting along with their sibling. The turn-out could not have been better. It's not an easy gig to plan. I don't pretend to be the master-mind or great-appreciator of Six Flags-that would be my husband, Festivus. But I have embraced the chaos of boys and
While on the ride, my older 'tech enabled' son quietly announces a shooting has occurred in Chicago, at 'a hospital.' So as not to bombard him in un-cool mom fashion, I think quickly to ascertain which hospital. 'The big one,' he replies and returns inward like a preying mantis after it gobbles its food, but the reverse, to 'the source.' My first thoughts go to what at one time was a reflex response- crime-ridden Chicago, a city I will likely never visit, as I never made it to the Oprah show, nor do relatives live close by. I'll never see the 'Bean' up close. But for a time, about 25 years ago, I tuned in every week, to the 'Windy-City' like numerous other Americans. I watched faithfully, 'ER,' and became like everyone else, either a fan of George Clooney, or the actress Ms.Marguellis, known to me and my kids now as 'The Good Wife.' I watched as single people, like myself at the time, navigated the waters of internships and relationships. I cried when characters fell in love with co-workers, mothers and fathers came to live with their adult children and declined with disease. When the doors flew open with an emergency, I was peaked and waiting to know what would happen. And then I waited until the next week, all the week working with kids-in-care, going to church, and Friday-night-dinnering with friends my age and in my same situation. I had no cell phone, I barely watched the news. I had a camera and took photo film to Eckerd's for their amazing printing booth. I envied the people printing Christmas card family pictures.
But I had George Clooney. (wink)
All those thoughts happened in about 30 seconds when I was brought back to how this newest information impacted our car ride. Snap-chats didn't stop, dirt-bike videos didn't quit, the tunes from the 'Fish' didn't cease. There was no pause.
I rode the Cyclone yesterday. The ride that replaced the old wooden roller coaster. Being afraid(horrified) of heights, this is no small thing. I have crawled and clung to the ropes of Talullah Gorge, trying to avoid permanent residency on that bridge when I underestimated the impact of the height and succumbed to child-pressure (not peer pressure) to cross. But I digress. I. Can't. Even. The speed, the turns, the drops. G's. That's all I could think. I felt like I'd been in a space ship simulation for a trip to Mars. While I had gained a little street-cred with my gang of ear-budded urban hoodlums, I felt the need to go back and retrieve my face from where it may have landed in Alabama after it flew from my body by sheer wind force. I had just enough time to gather my remaining wits and gumption before I headed to the next contraption of out-of-body experience. I recognized 'The Mind-Bender.' Yes, I could do this. It's reminiscent of 'The Beast,' my childhood-first roller-coaster. At the time, it was the highest and fastest on record and located just at my backdoor in Mason, Ohio. I had a seasons pass. Mom would drop. us. off. (who does this anymore?-- well, now I would, but only with 'the bigs' not 'the littles.') Anyway, just enough time to catch my breath, I ride, I survive, and I disembark. Remember, I am often now mistaken for my children's grandmother, gray hair and all. My present riding partners (the littles) stay seated as the park is low on revelers at this early point in the holiday season. They ask to ride again, the drivers say 'yes!' They go. I almost collapse, almost drop my phone, almost drop the drinks I'm holding. I am thinking it's time to go home. It's time for a pause. They go, I pause. But experience to which I've paid greater attention as of late has taught me, this day has only begun. And I'm in. All in. #project50 and all that. But without a word or conscious acknowledgement, they see me pause. (just like everything else they see me do-- or not do.)
While I can. not. Can. Not. connect entirely with my kids, I *must* stay connected. While we are generations apart, and even more so by the lateness of our entry into parenthood, I must make the effort to tether where I can and bind where I am able our fleeting moments of connectedness. Their mental health depends upon it. I don't say that lightly. Locals know the proximity, but dear friends, I know you all have experienced loss of *that* unspoken nightmare. I believe more than ever, or at least in the history of our young country, there is a sense of being overwhelmed and over-stimulated that gravely impacts our hearts, especially the young. And while there are some, myself included for so long, say just withhold enabling the young, this is harder to do than one might think. We do not live in isolation; it's everywhere, and even the young ear-budded urban hoodlums crave companionship. One just cannot stand against a rail in broad day-light scrolling one's phone--all *alone*. Nor can one experience the heights and free-fall of 'Goliath' with out a ride from mom in the min-van. My lesson I take from this day is not that we should avoid Six Flags (although I hear a chorus of angels above my head when I consider that thought)-- it is that we should be there when they need $4 more for a healthy water, when they've made a poor choice before riding, neglecting a pause in the sugar fest. Because if they are like mine, and Pandora's Box is already open, they are going to make poor choices. I'm going with being present. I'm going with the 'strengthening the tethers' plan, with love and honesty. When the questions about a more important 'Goliath' come up, I'll be there with a proverbial sling and a (silent)song (in my heart) about 'only a little boy David.' Their lions are real. And Bathsheba is everywhere. Perhaps a pause will surface, and they'll be looking past Reddit, to me.
God help me be ready and not posting my FB status.
